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Love is in the air! Can you feel it? I think autumn is the most romantic time of the year.
Yes I know it’s spring down under but It’s this time of year for me that turns on my romantic buttons. I know I’ve said this before but I just love all aspects of love. I love being in love and helping people understand and experience more love. I love my awesome husband, I love my job, I love my dogs, my friends, my students, my employees and you know what -my world is brimming with love! I have so much of it to give. And so I do!
It was not always like this. I used to look for love, and determine my worth for how much the outer world would reflect my lovability and value depending on who was there or not there to prove it to me. I thought longing and yearning was love but it wasn’t – it was the focus on the lack of love that was so compelling and “romantic.”
For many years I struggled with this need to be loved and seen as worthy. When I was single, for a long time to me it was a message that I was flawed. I could only see the empty part of the glass. Yet thank goodness I saw the Light. It was only when I surrendered this fully, and learned to love myself and be a channel for love that I no longer saw myself that way. And paradoxically the more I let go the need to find love, the more of it came to me!
I know that for many people, the mention of love and relationships elicits frustration, regret, anxiety, and a sudden need for chocolate. You want to meet the right person, but things just never seem to pan out. Or, you keep thinking you’ve met “the one” only to discover that he or she is just as commitment phobic or dishonest as “the one” before him/her. It’s the same old story with a new leading love interest, and you wonder what you’re doing wrong.
Do you find yourself repeating the same situation over and over? It may seem like dysfunctional relationships are part of your destiny, but they aren’t. We’re all made for deeply spiritual, romantic partnerships. You can change your story, but you have to start with examining your past and letting go of limiting unconscious beliefs. And, no matter how much you want one, you need to let go that want lest you only focus on what isn’t there yet.
If you feel unfinished in any aspect of your life, that experience and those expectations get filed into your unconscious. Your unconscious then steers you to look for situations that support those hidden beliefs and expectations. For example, if your father was an alcoholic and you haven’t fully healed from that pain, your unconscious mind will drive you into situations in which you attract partners with addictions. Or, if you felt betrayed by your first girlfriend and didn’t truly heal from the experience, you’ll repeat the story with future partners, co-workers, and even friends.
Many of us also secretly believe we need a relationship to be whole, the way I did. It’s not our fault especially because we’ve been taught to be socially acceptable you need to be partnered, or especially for women in my mom’s generation, you needed an affiliation with a man’s power to be safe. Also for thousands of years since the annihilation of the goddess culture and the advent of patriarchy women have had no rights at all and so partnering and marriage kept you from the street. Times are changing so it’s good to look at what you believe about romance, and what it really means deep down.
We long for love to complete us, rescue us, or make us happy. If you feel such longing and yearning, as I mentioned above, already you’re coming from a place of lack instead of love. To be healed in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re broken and need fixing. Relationships are an opportunity to play out a different story. And, in these fascinating times, we are being invited to look at love and relationships differently.
Remember that if you do what you did, you’ll get what you got. It’s time to do something different in love!
Exercise: If you’re consistently getting the same results when it comes to relationships (or any other aspect of your life), it’s time to take an inventory of the story you tell about your past. Take some time today to write out a list of all the men/women you’ve had relationships with starting from the time you were young to now. Then answer the following questions: How did you felt about each experience? What was common among the experiences?
What were you taught about relationships? Do you still have some unconscious programs running?
Next, write out the qualities of your ideal relationship. Take some time to picture what it will look and feel like. Who do you need to become to have the relationship? Write a new story of you in this loving, healthy relationship.
Then, get out and date! Pray for Divine guidance and trust your intuition to guide you to the right relationship.
Intuition is KEY!
Listen to it, not what your desires, hopes, and dreams want. That’ll come later if you get past this first stage. We all get a sense the minute you meet someone but we often block it out through the filters of our past experiences.
TRUST your INTUITION first, and if you get a green light, proceed.
Be sure to stay awake!
If you see any red flags, it’s time to move on no matter how hypnotically gorgeous your date may be. Make mental notes of positive and negative feelings you experience. Intuition is a feeling. Pay attention without your eyes. Be Intuitive.
Finally, have faith. Even if you haven’t seen evidence of a healthy relationship, trust that your new story will become a reality in Divine appropriate timing. What is yours will never be taken away.
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