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The last couple of days my external landscapes and my internal landscapes were contrasting. And yet, there were two constants that I could lean in to: Presence and Witnessing. With the help of my breath and feeling myself connected to the ground, I explored just being present and letting my imaginative and philosophical facets ponder on what I was witnessing. I have attempted to capture what I experienced on these two days in a creative writing piece. I let my heart and pen be guided: I was guided into prayer.
i
Yesterday the beach was glorious. The sun shone warmth like a big comforting hug. The sand was jostling in the white spume wave-wash. The turquoise warm water let me see right down to the seabed: the fish, the dolphins and the baby stingrays were all talking at once. All in some beguiling conspiracy to elicit awe. Even the warm breeze was tender, like a kiss on the forehead just before sleep.
Yesterday I stood on the shore, perfectly still in the moment, and fell into one of those celestial realisations that all of this is magnificently impossible. In that moment I knew that neither science, quantum physics or faith could explain how I was being flung to every edge of the universe a trillion times faster than the speed of light, and simultaneously, every single cell of my body was an imploding star — when all the while standing still on a blue ball hurtling through black space. None of this is possible. This mystery is not designed to be solved by ‘I’.
ii
Today the beach is wild. The sun shines harsh and I can smell my skin slightly burning. The sand is abrasive in the tumultuous waves. The murky water shuts me out without explanation and beneath the opaque wet: the fish, the dolphins and the baby stingrays are sulking in their own private theatres. Even the breeze whips sand in my face.
Today I stand on the shore, windswept in the moment, and I’m dragged into one of those hellish mind puzzles doubting that all of this is impossible. In that moment I know that neither science, quantum physics nor faith can explain how every single cell of my body is an imploding anguished star and I am simultaneously being stretched to every harsh edge of the universe a trillion times faster than the speed of lightning — when all the while standing still on a blue ball hurtling through black space. None of this is possible. This mystery is not designed to be solved by ‘I’.
iii
I take a breath — feel the ground beneath my feet and laugh out loud. I let the waves carry the hearty laughter out to sea and with absolute certainty; I know when I come to this place Tomorrow, I will hear that universal joke and my hearty laughter return and commit to echo and resound in my heart forever. This is a moment of joy trickling with bliss. The fish, the stingrays and the dolphins might drown from laughing too hard if they are not careful.
Tomorrow, this new day, this new now, will take other shapes; trick me into the illusion of possibilities and impossibilities which my mind can grapple and wrestle to the sky. But I will turn my gaze inwards. Breathe deep into the Earth’s deepest secrets. Take refuge in my quietly brilliant unquestioning mind. All enquiry will cease; speed and time will be irrelevant. Only the purest of prayers will form and take refuge in trees, wind, seeds, rain, tigers, rainbows, hurricanes, fossils, zebras, water, moonlight, sunrise, moss, candles, incense, cornfields, daisies, fog …
This mystery is not designed to be solved by ‘I’. Image: Jeremy Yap
iv
Dear God,
Teach me, without question, to relish in your mystery.
Teach me, without question, to relish in your mystery.
Teach me to let go of the need to know.
Marry me to awe-filled acceptance of what is.
Let the possible and the impossible be two sides of the same coin that no longer has any value.
Show me the fountain wherein I can toss this coin and never think on it again.
And as I’m walking away from that fountain, plunge me into the ocean,
no matter its form, and let me, like the fish, the dolphins and the stingrays just BE.
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